(4) ABC

The biggest barrier to change is that we often underestimate our own ability to change. Remember the geometric shapes question earlier? Focus creates reality. If we think change is impossible , it is no surprise that we can't , or even don't attempt to change at all.

We live in a world where we fantasize about being rich and famous , as if having a million Instagram followers or a million dollars in our bank account will miraculously solve our depression. Hate to break it to ya , but neither of those are a long term solution. Research after research have shown that , lottery winners do experience a huge spike on happiness , but shortly fall back to their base level. Some even ran into a deeper money problem because they had no clue on how to manage their finances. Same goes to accident victims that might have lost their limb. A sudden drop on happiness , but as time goes by it regresses to the base level.

If your happiness base level is 1 , losing your limbs in a terrible accident will not drop your base level to 0. Sooner or later you learn to adapt , and you be just as happy as you were before.

But if your happiness base level is 0 , winning a huge lottery will not raise your base level to 1 either. After the short lived euphoria , you will find yourself feeling just as empty as you were at base level.

The immediate reaction by many upon discovering this is "So do we lower our expectation then? So we can have higher base level of happiness?"

Lowering our expectation might work for a while , but it's not a long term solution. The key is right ( believe in change from within ) or wrong ( conditional happiness ) expectation.

State of mind , not state of bank account matters more to a person's well being.

It is extremely important to recognize that , nobody can be happy all the time. People that do not feel shifting of emotions are either dead , or a psychopath. Give ourselves the permission to be human. Don't be too harsh on yourself. It is perfectly fine to have emotions , the important part is to not ruminate about them for too long.

Use this simple ABC formula the next time you are trapped in your own negative thoughts.

Affect = your emotions , you can accept them unconditionally and give yourself the permission to be human.

Behavior = your actions , how do you react to those emotions? Cognition = your thoughts , knowing that ruminating about negativity wouldn't help , we don't have to accept it.

Let's say your project got declined by your manager , the usual emotions Affecting you are usually disappointment , frustration or even anger. What is your subsequent Behavior? Are you dealing with those emotions positively , such as reviewing your proposals and seek constructive criticism? Or do you let them consume you and quit the project entirely in disgust? Cognitively , do you learn from the lesson and move beyond them , or you constantly ruminate about it and put yourself in a downward spiral?

Realizing that we have control over our state of mind is a paradigm shift in how we deal with all of our emotions. While it is extremely important to recognize them , and give ourselves the permission to be human , it is also equally important to know how to deal with them in a positive way. The next time you are caught up in your own emotions , breathe deeply , take a step back and apply the ABC of positive thinking for a better change.